Superman’s True Weakness

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Everyone knows that Superman’s girlfriend is Lois Lane. Most fans also know that his first girlfriend was Lana Lang. Both of these women have the same initials. That’s not really weird, just a strange coincidence. It would only be weird if everyone he ever dated had the same initials… oh wait, they do. Everyone Superman has ever dated, with two notable exceptions, has the initials “L.L.” Don’t believe me? Look at this list:

 

Lois Lane – The most famous of Superman’s girlfriends and the only one he actually married.

Lori Lemaris – This was a mermaid that Superman dated in college. She hid her fishy tail by sitting in a wheelchair with a blanket over it. Somehow, even though he has x-ray vision, Superman didn’t find out until after he proposed to her. She turned him down because she had to return to the sea.

Luma Lynai – Superman’s cousin, Supergirl (Linda Lee Danvers), once used the supercomputer in the Fortress of Solitude to find Superman’s perfect match. The computer came up with Luma Lynai, a superheroine living on another planet. Superman met up with her on her home planet and fell in love with her. He proposed, but when he brought her back to Earth, they discovered that our yellow sun affected her the same way that kryptonite affects Superman. He was willing to live on her planet with her, but she insisted that Earth needed Superman.

Lana Lang – This was Superman’s high school girlfriend.

Laurie Lemmon – This was an alternate universe Superman’s girlfriend.

 

All the women I’ve mentioned so far also knew Superman’s secret identity. I call this the Batman-Standard. When talking about superhero relationships, I think it’s important to note when there are exceptions to it as it tends represent true commitment on the superhero’s part. The next three women are exceptions, but there were mitigating circumstances.

 

 Lyla Lerrol – On one occasion, Superman accidently traveled to Krypton before it was destroyed. While there, he met a famous Kryptonian actress. They planned on getting married, but she tragically died in a planetary explosion. Through a very contrived set of circumstances, Superman was trapped in a movie-prop rocket that managed to return him to Earth and his original time period. She doesn’t meet the Batman-Standard, but while on Krypton, Superman didn’t have a secret identity.

In an alternate universe version of this story, Superman was on an alien world and had amnesia. A woman named Lyla Lerrol told him that she was his wife. The whole time she was pretending to be married to him, she was stealing his powers.

Lola-La – During one of Superman’s many bouts of amnesia, he woke up on a remote, dinosaur infested island. While there, he met and almost married a Neanderthal woman. She doesn’t meet the Batman-Standard, but Superman didn’t remember his own name to give it to her.

 

Exceptions to the double L rule:

 

Sally Selwyn – One day, Superman was exposed to some red Kryptonite, which caused him to lose his powers and memory. He wandered onto a farm and stumbled across Sally Selwyn who, for some reason, was milking a cow even though she was a millionaire. Unwilling to admit that he didn’t know his name, he made up the name ‘Jim White’. Sally and Jim began dating and soon were engaged. Everything was going well until a jealous rival dropped a boulder on Jim’s head. Jim was knocked into the river and found by Aquaman, but Sally thought he had died. When he woke up again, he remembered being Superman but had no memory of being Jim White.

Sally is an exception to the double L rule and the Batman-Standard, but given his amnesia at the time, Superman was probably just confused. He knew he liked alliterative names but forgot the ‘L’ part.

Wonder Woman – This is the biggest exception. In this case, Superman knowingly and without even the tiniest bit of amnesia, dated a double W instead of a double L. How do you explain this? I think there are four major factors that helped him overlook her initials. First, she is a fellow superhero whom he had worked with for years. They had a lot of time to build a strong bond. Second, they had so much in common to start with. He is basically a god. She is the actual daughter of Greek gods. Third he never has to worry about rescuing her from villains who would try to use her against him. This has been a constant threat with Lois Lane. Fourth, Superman has always worried that his girlfriends only loved him because of his powers. He doesn’t have to worry about that with Wonder Woman. With so much going for her, how could he let the initials get in his way? Still, I imagine he calls her ‘Londer Loman’ in his head.

 

So, despite the rare exception, Superman has only dated double Ls. Where does this fetish come from? My theory is that Superman has a case of super Oedipus-complex. His mother’s name is Lara Lor-Van.

 

Speaking of Superman’s double L fetish, just what is his relationship with Lex Luthor anyway? Dare I point out that he knows Superman’s secret identity?

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