Sirens were going off in The Bro’s head. There was something unusual about Abril aka Beholder, and he knew that if he pursued her, he’d regret it. He loved that feeling! All the funnest things lead to regret anyway, so why worry about how things will end? Life is a journey, not a destination.
“So, you’re the champion of the whole world?” Abril asked. She had been keeping him talking for most of an hour, demanding his attention, insisting that he looked directly at her and no where else, not even glancing. It was difficult, but she was hot, so he went along with it.
“Nah, not the whole world,” The Bro said. “There’s a guy in Maramord who’s undefeated too, but I’ll never be able to fight him because our governments don’t get along. His name is Brock Indero.”
“His name is Brock? That sounds like an English name,” Abril said.
“Nah, it’s totally Maramordian. It means ‘delicate flower’ in their language.”
“You’re messing with me,” Beholder said. “He’s an undefeated fighter and his name is ‘delicate flower?’”
“I’m totally serious, lady-bro,” The Bro said. “And his last name means ‘on a mountain top’ or something like that.”
“Wow, ‘delicate flower on a mountain top.’ You wouldn’t expect something so poetic out of Maramord.”
Government Steve returned from wherever he had run off to. The Bro glanced at him by reflex, causing Abril to scowl. Based on the satisfied look on his face, he had just taken a great dump. He sat down next to The Bro.
“Hey Beholder. Hey Bro,” he said.
“Hey bro,” The Bro said without looking. “What’s up?”
“Have you ever heard of Dr. Champion?”
The Bro turned to look at Government Steve, ignoring Abril’s protest. It was just such a weird question.
“You mean that d-list superhero?”
“That’s the one,” Government Steve said. “His superpowers are actually a clever trick. He’s normal, but he has mages giving him powers through a focus – it’s kind of like a voodoo doll. He’s small potatoes, but he’d be decent with some training.”
Four more people entered the room, looking like they weren’t sure they were in the right place. Government Steve waved at them to take the seats across the table from him.
“So, did you recruit him?” The Bro asked. “Are you going to train him to use his powers better?”
“No. I didn’t recruit Dr. Champion,” Government Steve chuckled. “I recruited his mages.” He gestured to the two men and two women who had just sat down. “Instead of trying to train that egotist, I’d rather give his powers to someone who I’d enjoy working with, especially if that someone can already fight.”
“Wait, bro… are you saying you want to make me a superhero?” The Bro asked.
“Yep. And these will be your mages.”
“Hi, I’m Dots,” the old lady said. She reminded The Bro of his grandma – the black one, not the Asian one. She was friendly, but down to business. “I create the link between you and the focus, which will be an action figure of you that some guy named “The Fan Boy” just handed me. Whatever magic we put into the figure will be transferred to you.”
Dots looked over to the middle-aged man on her left, obviously expecting him to talk next, but he was distracted by Abril’s shameless flirtations. She apparently always needed someone looking at her . It didn’t seem to matter who. Dots smacked him on the arm, which only reminded The Bro more of his grandma.
“Um, I’m Twitches,” the guy said. “I do enhancements.” He didn’t seem capable of elaborating.
The cute, younger woman on the other side of Dots rolled her eyes. “Twitches casts enhancement spells,” she said. “He usually does a super-speed and enhanced reflexes, but he can also give you enhanced strength or super vision. Stuff like that.” She shrugged. “And I’m Bubbles. I do offensive spells. Fireballs, lightning, artic blasts – whatever you need.”
“That sounds awesome,” The Bro said.
“It is,” Bubbles assured him. “And our last guy is Wendell.”
The tall, skinny, bespectacled guy sitting next to her waved.
“You could call him Sparks, but he doesn’t like the nicknames,” Bubbles continued. “He’s got the most powerful shield spell you’ve ever seen. He can block bullets, lasers, and probably even missiles. He’s good.”
Wendell shook his head but grinned at Bubbles. She grinned back at him, lingering for a moment before they both looked away, staring at anything but each other. The Bro grinned too. Those two were just so cute. But there was no time for that now – he needed to ask the tough questions.
“Can you make my fists glow?” he asked. “Remember that part at the end of The Argonauts when I finally accessed the power of Zeus and my fists started crackling with lightning? Can you make that happen?”
“We can do better than that,” Bubbles said, almost indignantly. “Remember that part in Triple Trouble when you found the Cosmic Egg and then you started flying and throwing fireballs?”
“That wasn’t me, lady-bro,” The Bro said. “I wasn’t even in that movie.”
“Oh,” Bubbles said awkwardly. “Well, either way, we can make that happen. Think about it. With your fighting and our magic, you’ll be the greatest superhero ever.”
The Bro thought about it. The more he did, the better it looked. There were no real challenges left in fighting or acting. It was time to try something new. His fans were going to be so stoked!